Newsstand Philosopher T-Shirts

Life Officially Sucks (newspaper headline)

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"You don't whisper anymore."

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

Men gossiping

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

ONE HORSE TOWN

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

'A quick pint or a quiet drink?'

Brickie's Mate

If bar stools were like playground swings...

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

"You're going to regret this in the morning."

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'