Newsroom Survivor Gifts

Gannett Layoffs

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"I feel your pain."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

"Wow - you say you're a workaholic, but your office says it's time for your vacation!"

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

Office Weather

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

Getting through the week.

"Granberry, you're about to suffer a near-death experience!"

"Get your lunchbox, you're going!"

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

"When everyone's an 800 pound gorilla, nobody's an 800 pound gorilla.".

Twisted Peel works overtime.

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

'And in conclusion.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

Exhausted employee

"I don't understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn't on his to do list!"

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"I hate when she drags herself to work. Am I supposed to feel guilty?"

"I'm putting you in charge of this project because you're already miserable."

"I am totally ready for this presentation."

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"