News Cycle Survivor Gifts

"After last week's news cycle, this really IS the only answer."

Election humour

"The good news today is that there is no news."

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Fear of news.

My phone is synced with my tablet, my tablet is synced with my laptop ... but none of them are synced with me."

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"Looks like he's coming around to our way of thinking."

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

Desert island has bottle bank and paper bank. Castaway sees message in bottle float towards island.

'Technology hasn't saved me any money. I'm now supporting those relatives of mine they replaced.'

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

"I've had custom reading glasses made that blot out the words 'brexit' and 'royal.'"

"God it was rough coming into the office this morning after the awards ceremony" "It must have been, you work two doors down"

"I hate this time of year..."

"Armageddon, armageddon, armageddon, then sports and weather."

'Your last tech job offered generous options? So do we: Take it or leave it.'

"An exclusive group. Each survived three scandals and was re-elected."

"… Breaking news out of North Korea—spoiler alert, it's not good."

'I'm switching to another provider,dear.'

"New Year's Eve just isn't the same anymore!"

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

Sir, what came first...the spin and leak or the leak and spin?

'No giving-up smoking in the workplace.'

STRIP Hambone: Living in the box the computer who replaced him came in

'I'm celebrating, I came from my teenagers birthday party and survived,'

Time Management Seminar Schedule.

'If you didn't have a hangover you'd have one now...!!'

"We've taken out a second mortgage on our first one."

Work Meeting Rules

'Noisemakers are not welcome the morning after a party.'

Katie Couric

"School is a lot like life. It's hours and hours of boredom...interrupted by the occasional moment of panic."