News Tailor Pillows

'Interactive TV news.'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

They're Not Just That Into It

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Trump pardons

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

UK border controls relaxed.

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

Dressed for Success!

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Difference of Opinion

Meet the Enemy

"We won!"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

CIA report

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

A little bird told me...

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Laughingstock

Our Two Parties, Explained

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'