News Pillows

"Alexa, what fresh hell are we in for today?"

Difference of Opinion

Sociologists on Strike! Nation in Peril!!

Misinformation Pandemic

"Nation-wise, we're in a pickle."

"Today, stocks dropped on news the new federal reserve chief, Janet Yellen, is a 'rookie'."

"I can hear the nattering nabobs of negativity now."

"A tiny speck of hope!"

"Wait – how many seasons is this?"

The Best of Times/The Worst of Times

'I don't understand your question. Could you restate it as an answer?'

Strictly off the record.

'It says here that most people believe what they read in the papers.'

'Hey, that line's moving a lot faster!'

The News Cycle

Information vs. Opinion Desks

5 day forecast.

"And, in a move sure to attract the attention of regulators, the private sector made a bid to acquire the public sector."

'Do you want to be manipulated by the left wing media or the right wing media?'

Phoney world view

"No comment for now, but there'll be a press leak at five."

'When you take out food, energy...inflation remained at a 20 year low.'

"Our top story: bloody conflict, secret meeting, auto recall, drive-by shooting, more staff cuts, medical breakthrough. We'll be back as soon as we decide."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

'We do want to warn you that this news has yet to be spun, so you may have to formulate your own opinion.'

'Responding to viewer sentiment, we have eliminated world news and expanded our entertainment and sports news.'

'That was close! I almost answered a question I was asked.'

"We hope you've enjoyed the year in review!"

'Sleaze, please.'

Good evening. Tonight's broadcast will be to the point. Everything's horrible. Good night.

Sign says Daily News: Read it for free online: Journalists wonder 'Where did it all go wrong?'

Funny how it's only the people I disagree with who are biased.

'The Fed decided today not to raise or lower interest rates, but instead just moved them sideways a little.'

North American Newspaper Industry.

"They're the same newspaper. It just depends on your political point of view."