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Garden of Earthly Delights

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

Wanna talk about it?

"My instagram feed is basically people, dog food, and tennis balls."

"Billy, we don't need to feed that vacuum robot."

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

"Congratulations! It's a boy! Quickly nurse! Get her phone and upload a picture to facebook!"

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

"Well...at least you don't s**t on my ideas."

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"I just completely disagree with what you just said about America lacking focus."

"Now, is this the kind of painting you mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

'You know, it isn't the mother's texting while delivering that bothers, it's those damn selfies they upload to Facebook.

"First of all, this conversation never happened."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

"Not many of you may agree with me..."

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

"Oh, Herb. Not Another Open Letter To Miley Cyrus."

"Slow down. This stuff is gold, I’m tellin’ ya! Gold!"

Dog's Sandwich

'Gloria, what do I have to do to share a fascinating online article about the surprising ways to use watermelon?'

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

'...so then I said 'your camera is stealing my soul' and he said 'I'm so sorry - how can I possibly repay you?''