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Grannies who lunch.

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

" 'How I Spent My Summer Vacation,' a treatment by Todd Mozelle, Grade Three."

That lovely summer day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to deviate from the script.

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

Wanna talk about it?

"My instagram feed is basically people, dog food, and tennis balls."

"Trust me, you don't want this job."

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

"Congratulations! It's a boy! Quickly nurse! Get her phone and upload a picture to facebook!"

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

'I told you that parrot didn't know how to navigate.'

'You know, it isn't the mother's texting while delivering that bothers, it's those damn selfies they upload to Facebook.

"I feel like my emotional baggage is permanently stuck on the luggage carousel."

"Well...at least you don't s**t on my ideas."

"Now, is this the kind of painting you mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"'Kchow! Kchow! The roscoe spoke twice, and Mike dodged behind a-' Hang on, wrong book."

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"Slow down. This stuff is gold, I’m tellin’ ya! Gold!"

“It's a healthy baby boy. And, wow, the mouth on your wife …”

Garden of Earthly Delights

'I traded a motherboard for three DVD's. They were bogus, so I tossed them out the window....'

'Normally I don't mind regifting but on occasion you get back the same hideous thing you tried to get rid of.'

"What I did during my summer vacation with my mom's 1,000 free minutes..."

'Mom calls this a diary where you write private thoughts no one else can see. What fun is that?'

'We'll leave the corn alone if you never tell that dumb story about Dorothy and Toto again.'

Couple in bed. Man says: 'Are you BLOGGING this?'

Types of online-ing

"No! How would it look if I listed a CAT as a friend on my social media page?"

'I'll publish it if you include a character obviously based on me.'

'So tell me more about your mother...'