News Host T-Shirts

"After a hard day at the office, all Barry wants to do is put his feet up and listen to somebody tell him what to think."

Brian Williams

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Showbiz Awards

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

Difference of Opinion

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Mary Tyler Moore: Spot the Difference