News Bearers Gifts

'Here's something you need to hear...'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

Green Balloon

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"Turtling: When a child's backpack exceeds his weight"

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

'Finally, a job that makes other people happy from laughing at you and you love it.'

Woman carrying a love heart

Garden of Earthly Delights

'And now for the (Yawn!) morning report....'

"The National Weather Service is warning these areas to brace for what could be a crippling amount of Instagrammed snow photos."

"Be careful folks—The roads are wet and idiots are driving on them."

Unemployment Contagion

'I'm a fiscal conservative, and a social liberal.' 'Unfortunately, he's also a moral anarchist.'

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

Same-sex marriage passes, and the people go wildQ

Whaling boat with banner 'Save the krill'.

"Now over to the weather desk for a detailed report."

Shock news! Bottle beer shares plummet, ever since Andy Fordham went to Fit Club!

Bulletin at Malibu

"U.S. Imports of foreign fuel are down, Putin's angry rhetoric is up, U.S. gas prices are up, Russian fuel exports are down. . ."

"Next question. . . can anybody tell me where Benghazi is located?"

"Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers. Details at eleven."

'Will you marry me and help bear my burden?'

'The burden I can bear, but the constant rotation makes me dizzy.'

"You're fired! Read all about it!"

War Correspondent

Wall St. Journal. Don't worry, sir -- As soon as the economy grinds to a complete halt, we plan to jump back on.

Bad News

"This is Ritz Rose, substituting for the vastly over rated Ed Yomp..."

'This is strictly off the record...'

"I have my standards even if they're only industry standards."

'That last hill was a bit steep!'

Cash for honours: 'Suit you, sir - Oooh, suit you!"

'We have cloned another human...'