News Bearers Pillows

'Here's something you need to hear...'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

Green Balloon

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

"Turtling: When a child's backpack exceeds his weight"

'Finally, a job that makes other people happy from laughing at you and you love it.'

Woman carrying a love heart

'And now for the (Yawn!) morning report....'

Garden of Earthly Delights

"The National Weather Service is warning these areas to brace for what could be a crippling amount of Instagrammed snow photos."

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

'I'm a fiscal conservative, and a social liberal.' 'Unfortunately, he's also a moral anarchist.'

Whaling boat with banner 'Save the krill'.

Unemployment Contagion

Same-sex marriage passes, and the people go wildQ

"Be careful folks—The roads are wet and idiots are driving on them."

"Now over to the weather desk for a detailed report."

'Will you marry me and help bear my burden?'

"U.S. Imports of foreign fuel are down, Putin's angry rhetoric is up, U.S. gas prices are up, Russian fuel exports are down. . ."

"Next question. . . can anybody tell me where Benghazi is located?"

Bulletin at Malibu

"Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers. Details at eleven."

Shock news! Bottle beer shares plummet, ever since Andy Fordham went to Fit Club!

'The burden I can bear, but the constant rotation makes me dizzy.'

War Correspondent

"You're fired! Read all about it!"

"This is Ritz Rose, substituting for the vastly over rated Ed Yomp..."

Bad News

'This is strictly off the record...'

"I have my standards even if they're only industry standards."

'That last hill was a bit steep!'

Cash for honours: 'Suit you, sir - Oooh, suit you!"

"Political scandals come and go, but sex scandals are forever."

'We have cloned another human...'