News Analyzer Pillows

'I am going to watch the news. Do you know where my rose-coloured glasses are?'

'Now that tobacco has been conclusively demonstrated to be addictive, the Government is funding a $3.5 billion study to find out if water is wet.'

In the Guru District

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Studies show foods work miracles!

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

Newspaper suicide.

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"Trump vs Biden. Chiefs vs 49ers. On the brink of war with Iran. Didn't we do this all in 2020?"

Fifty shades of Leveson.

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

Why do you hate the media?

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"I'll never forget you."