Tv News Analyst Pillows

'A health report today warned skeptics, who take everything with a grain of salt, could result in abnormal hypertension. . .'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

In the Guru District

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Difference of Opinion

Studies show foods work miracles!

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Which news channel should we watch?"

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"