Tv News Critic Pillows

The Mighty Wotizzit?! Part 12

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Trump Poutine

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Can't Touch This

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Can't Touch This

Christmas TV...

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"Political cartoons that make people think? Are you crazy? We don't want to distract our readers from the weather forecast, the horoscope and the advertisements!"

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

"You don't have to answer that."

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'