News Addict Pillows

"Jitters on Wall Street today over rumors that Alan Greenspan said, 'A rich man can as soon enter Heaven as a camel fit through the eye of a needle.' "

'Watch the news with the sound turned off. You're suffering from information overload.'

Man with mobile phone says: 'I can't call for help, I'm filming this for the TV news.'

'Stock prices are down; Bond prices are down; North Korea are threatening nuclear war...have a nice night's sleep.'

Putin with Trump puppet

'Free healthcare for everyone!! Except you pay for this and that, and surgeries, medication, and a bunch of other stuff...but what a victory for the average american!'

Hold on! TV is comin'!

'In financial news, denials of impropriety outperformed admissions of impropriety.'

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

"Must...Tweet...M-more!"

'And now a quick glance at tonight's top news stories.... Yikes!'

'I used to be a don't know but now I'm an even more confused.'

'It's true that I accepted the bribe, seduced the intern, and stole the money, but I did it with the nation's best interests in mind.'

"This is gonna be great!"

"? ???????? ?????, ??? ???????? ? Waukesha County."

"You can eat the one marshmallow right now, or if you wait fifteen minutes, I'll give you two marshmallows and swear you in as President of the United States."

"C-Span is our reality television."

"According to the liberal media, you're a woman."

"Boy, those guys are some acrobats!"

Trump Trump Trump Trump

It's okay to stop counting before every vote is cast.

"We go now to our White House correspondent... Jim? Jim?"

"What's on Fox News?"

"He promised Liz Truss his full support."

"I've still got Tucker Carlson's voice in my head."

"He's a politically overexposed person."

Trump's Fine

"Now for yout stress test."

"Today's my last day. They're replacing me with a TV that's stuck on a 24-hour news channel."

"Oh my God, they're gassing refugees. Look at this family!"

So we're really doing this. President Trump. Wowee. We elected a man who, among other things, maybe did pee stuff in Russia?

Final Stages Of White House Employment

'CNN seems awfully distracted - this would be a good time for us to invade something.'

News Hourglass

"You started it!"