Newly Single Pillows

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"I don't like the term divorced...I prefer returned to the wild."

"Make it a double."

"Note to self...'NICE APPS' is not a good opening line."

First singles bar! 'I ain't married!'

'I would like to find at least ONE bar that isn't a meat market.'

'It's very nice to meet you, but I prefer to remain anonymous.'

'All my friends are divorced, and I'm not even married.'

Paradise Singles Bar.

'If you think all men are the same you might as well spend the night with me.'

Car has 'Just biding my time' written across the back as single man drives.

'Ready or not, here I come!'

"Look at you – all divorced and tieless."

'Poor fellow. One really is the loneliest number.'

Boyfriend Shirt.

'i've found a search engine that gets to beautiful women in a hurry. It's not 'Google', it's 'Ogle'.'

After watching desperate housewives, I decided to try a singles bar.

Susie's single status had spread to her socks.

"Please bear with me. I'm only recently back on the singles scene."

So 51 percent of adult American women are unmarried. It's awesome. More single chicks, better odds, more power to men, less pressure to please any individual woman. Less pressure to be the perfect guy. Or clean up the apartment, or pretend to listen. The 51 percent figure explained. Less bathing!

"Wanna watch a movie, Doll?"

"Right swipe, right swipe, right swipe..."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"...until death do you a favor."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."