Newly Single Gifts

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"I don't like the term divorced...I prefer returned to the wild."

"Note to self...'NICE APPS' is not a good opening line."

First singles bar! 'I ain't married!'

'I would like to find at least ONE bar that isn't a meat market.'

'It's very nice to meet you, but I prefer to remain anonymous.'

'All my friends are divorced, and I'm not even married.'

Paradise Singles Bar.

'If you think all men are the same you might as well spend the night with me.'

Car has 'Just biding my time' written across the back as single man drives.

'Ready or not, here I come!'

"Look at you – all divorced and tieless."

'Poor fellow. One really is the loneliest number.'

Boyfriend Shirt.

After watching desperate housewives, I decided to try a singles bar.

Susie's single status had spread to her socks.

"Please bear with me. I'm only recently back on the singles scene."

"Wanna watch a movie, Doll?"

"Right swipe, right swipe, right swipe..."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

"Who told the quartet to play 'Highway to Hell'?"

Is that pancake ready yet?

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."