Newly Nesting Gifts

Thank you very much for the lovely wedding present...

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

baby sweetcorn...

Pool attached to child's bed.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

Interior design trends for parents....

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Same old same old. How about you?"