Newborn Whisperer Gifts

'He's just been getting the baby off to sleep.'

"He takes after your mother"

'The new baby? Oh he's great! I haven't slept in 4 days, but the baby is great!'

"I hate 2:00 am feedings."

Mum and the Sleepless Baby

Why it's called child-rearing.

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Cry babies.

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'The child is very illogical'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

Mother Nature

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"He's such a fussy eater."

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'