Infant Whisperer Gifts

"Hush, little baby, don’t you cry ... ever."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Cry babies.

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

Mozart's First Movement - Baby Mozart is sitting on the potty.

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"Quick, start the car!"

'The child is very illogical'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

Dog Dreams

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

'Don't bite it.I have to check Daddy next.'

"Oh well, I guess I'm lucky that he's not a duck hunter."

"Same old same old. How about you?"

'You know too much!'