Newborn Nurture Enthusiast Pillows

"Not to alarm you, but the other newborns are already ahead."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

A midwife holding a baby

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

'So this is goodbye then!'

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

Jonathan was so sleep deprived after the arrival of his baby that he accidentally burped a workmate.

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

"Little Lucas doesn't go anywhere without his weighted blanket."

"I'll give you 15 minutes, no biting."

Egg Buggy

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'Dad has lamb's-quarter, pigweed, sheep sorrel, chickweed and buckhorn, and we can't even have a dog.'

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

"Bottled or breast?"

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

In an alternate universe, characters from the rough draft and finished manuscript of the same novel meet themselves at a cocktail party.

Clean the World.

'Congratulations! It's one of the beautiful people!'

"Gold ... Frankincense ... Myrrh ... why wouldn't wise men bring diapers?"

Baby Mums.

'Anorexia definitely isn't in this girl's vocabulary.'

"I'm not surprised that lady's so fat. . . The baby's been blowing her up for hours."

Leon Uris.

Happy House Daycare. Family-owned & family-run since this many years.

"If you kids want to grow up to be writers, it's time we give you something to write about."

"John thinks he's got my neuroses imprinted on him already, but I say that the OCD is pure John."

'Wait a minute! I want it stirred, not shaken!'

'Well, Mary, you've already screwed up you first two kids. This could be you last chance...'

"I'm beginning to think I need a three-million-year sabbatical from humankind to recover my health."