Newbie Nursery Enthusiasts Gifts

"I'm hoping things will turn around. I just signed with a hot new day-care center."

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

I'm Bored With Educational Toys

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

Do you have anything bigger?

"They look so young and helpless."

Batman's Baby

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

'I didn't know ostriches could swim.'

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

"I'll give you 15 minutes, no biting."

Mobile.

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

"Triple whammy."

'It's my first attempt at gardening but so far I've learned...'

'Congratulations! It's one of the beautiful people!'

Fox Hunting

"Gold ... Frankincense ... Myrrh ... why wouldn't wise men bring diapers?"

Baby Mums.

Fisherman's new baby.

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Got a clever one here...'

'I figured out why we have six times as many babies in here as usual. Nine months ago was when the cable TV was out for five straight days.'

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

You're doing flowers for a sweet 16 party? Whose is it? I can't say, sweetie. The details are secret. Anyway, I don't know who's invited. Tree's Tree Nursery. Awesome. My dad goes to hotter parties than I do. Mulch.

"Of course what else would it be?"

"We’re not on the Upper West Side, and there aren’t any ‘better tables’!"

'I can't believe it... no subway, no taxis, no fast food spots, no busses within a radius of 400 meters... my gosh! I've never made such an intensive nature experience!'

"Looks like it's someone's birthday...!"

'Johnny Wilmot experiences the Grand Canyon'