New Year Strategist T-Shirts

'You don't really care about sex. You just want the prizes for the first baby of the New Year.'

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"I finally cleaned my room. You don't think she'll look in the yard, do you?"

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

"Did no one tell you that at this time of year everybody flies south?"

"I'll see your two and raise you three."

Thanksgiving Feast. Get lots of turkey, but not too much of you'll have to take a pause at the nap box. I'm skipping the cranberries and going for the green beans and the potatoes. I'm at the stuffing now and getting bonus points for extra gravy! Hey! There's a shortcut through the corn, straight to the pumpkin pie! I win! Not so fast. You missed the most important spot where you give thanks for your family and friends. Oh, you're right. It's okay that I didn't win. I'll get you tomor

"Maybe I can be a campaign worker."

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

How the Easter Bunny lets everyone know where the naughty kids live.

"How can I word this Christmas card to my boss without wishing him a merry Christmas?"

Economic Changes Cuba.

Christmas escape plan

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

"Ken does know that isn't real money, right?"

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

"My mom's having a baby. That automatically moves me into a middle management capacity within the family infrastructure."

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

"It's springtime in our new product department."