New Year's Skeptic Pillows

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

'I hate all holidays!'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

Frankenfood farms: pest-resistant, fresher-longer, who-knows-what produce.

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

'So help me, which god?'

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

The first meeting.

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"Please cut and paste these prayers to an other gods up there....just in case I've been following the wrong one."

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

'Oh my god!'

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

'I've had raging hormones for the last 80 years.'

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"Our integrated approach to medicine skillfully combines an array of holistic alternative treatments with a sophisticated computerized billing service."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

'You don't really want to go to this party, do you?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

"There are more things I'm ungrateful than grateful for. Why can't we have a holiday for that?"

"I ran out of vacation days, so I didn't fly south this winter."

Bookshop: new in.

"When Santa went electric they either diversified or got furloughed."

"My God, do you realize the year's half over?"

"The Man Who Knew Enough"

"That time facebook went down for a few hours isn't that big a deal. Little buddy!"