New Year Resolutioner Gifts

Two entrances to a gym; one reads "Actual Exercise" while the other reads "Sit on Equipment and Stare at your Phone."

"I'm really serious about exercising. Last year I only went to the gym twice, once to join and once to renew."

He's giving up being an international sex symbol and man of mystery for the New Year.

Let's get organized

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

Yoga for beginners,

A push in the right direction: 50c.

January Joiner

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

'I'm downsizing in hopes of a merger.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

This year I thought I'd give up something different so I've given up writing Haiku poetry.

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"Look at me - I can do this!"

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

Man Walking Towards His Goal.

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

'For your aerobic exercise today, give me five 'Sweet Georgia Browns', a couple of 'Hot Times in the Old Town Tonight', and hit the showers.'

'I AM going to join a gym, but I've got to get in shape first. . .'

Woman on diet being chased by temptation.

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

Preparing for Dating Opportunities in 2020

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"