New Year Resolutioner Pillows

Two entrances to a gym; one reads "Actual Exercise" while the other reads "Sit on Equipment and Stare at your Phone."

"I'm really serious about exercising. Last year I only went to the gym twice, once to join and once to renew."

He's giving up being an international sex symbol and man of mystery for the New Year.

Let's get organized

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"It's a new year, and I have a brand new attitude. Which way is it to San Diego Sea World?"

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

Yoga for beginners,

A push in the right direction: 50c.

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

January Joiner

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'I'm downsizing in hopes of a merger.'

This year I thought I'd give up something different so I've given up writing Haiku poetry.

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

Man Walking Towards His Goal.

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"Look at me - I can do this!"

Woman on diet being chased by temptation.

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

The Janopause

'I AM going to join a gym, but I've got to get in shape first. . .'

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

'For your aerobic exercise today, give me five 'Sweet Georgia Browns', a couple of 'Hot Times in the Old Town Tonight', and hit the showers.'

Preparing for Dating Opportunities in 2020

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

New Years Reolutions