New Rental Agreement Gifts

Apt house matchmaker: '23 - D meet 17 - c, sublet...'

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

'Yeah, strictly speaking it's a hole, but I prefer to think of it as a bijou hole.'

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

So...this is the roommate. Awkward...

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

"It just seems to me, Howard, that you're missing the whole point of having a terrace in the city."

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

'There, but for the grace of an ironclad contract go I.'

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

"Airbnb?"

'The fine print can be read only if held up to a mirror.'

"What?" "I SAID TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!"

"It's a nice unit, but there may be a faint odor from the last tenant..." "Yeah, enough to make you faint."

Unplugged.

Please roll over and breathe the other way.

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

"I've got the wine."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

"I'm getting real sick of picking up your laundry, Adam."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

"He huffed and he puffed and he increased our rent."

Which one of these things is the soap?

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

"Well, thank God it's not the plumbing! Let's run down town, drop off a check and sign that lease!!"

"Gee, they just look like a bunch of little ants, don't they?"

Shoe for Rent

Leonard Cohen calls his landlord

'How many times have I told you, Throg? Dress for dinner.'