New Apartment Gifts

'The lease says, 'No Pets'! Chickens ain't pets!'

"It just seems to me, Howard, that you're missing the whole point of having a terrace in the city."

Which one of these things is the soap?

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"What?" "I SAID TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!"

A Beach Stay-cation.

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"Gee, they just look like a bunch of little ants, don't they?"

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

"I've got the wine."

"I'm getting real sick of picking up your laundry, Adam."

Unplugged.

'How many times have I told you, Throg? Dress for dinner.'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

A man is living in small box apartment trying to read a book, but is surrounded by people engaging in noisy activities.

"Too bright."

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

A DIY disaster.

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

Shakespeare Street

It's not considered drinking alone if the cat is at home.

"WOW...this 50.1 theatre sound system makes you feel you're actually in the movie!"

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

Fish-tank Skyscraper.

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"Can we get a bigger pool to accommodate all my floats?"