New Apartment Gifts

'The lease says, 'No Pets'! Chickens ain't pets!'

"It just seems to me, Howard, that you're missing the whole point of having a terrace in the city."

Which one of these things is the soap?

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"What?" "I SAID TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!"

A Beach Stay-cation.

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"Gee, they just look like a bunch of little ants, don't they?"

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

"I've got the wine."

I thought you said your building didn't allow dogs. Actually, that's the world's biggest mouse.

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

"I'm getting real sick of picking up your laundry, Adam."

Unplugged.

'How many times have I told you, Throg? Dress for dinner.'

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

A man is living in small box apartment trying to read a book, but is surrounded by people engaging in noisy activities.

"Too bright."

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

A DIY disaster.

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

'It's just some Pour 'n' Serve, Stir 'n' Blend, Bake 'n' Slice, Mix 'n' Broil and Chop 'n' Simmer.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

Fish-tank Skyscraper.

"WOW...this 50.1 theatre sound system makes you feel you're actually in the movie!"

Shakespeare Street

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

Of course, the rent on the fourth floor is considerably higher.

It's not considered drinking alone if the cat is at home.

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'