New Parent Planner Pillows

Maternity ward.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Babies.

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

Baby name suggestions.

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Constructing your own prison!

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

Frog Baby Names

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

Mothercare - " I'm going to shop till I drop."

Please take a number.

'Help me, sir... I want to save my last sip of lemonade, but it doesn't work!'

"Are we there yet?"

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

'I don't get it! Not one of these books gives the same advice TWICE!

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

"I hate to be a dream snatcher but your baby is going to be just average."