Future Parent Planners Pillows

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'I'm the one with his head in a pelvic vice!'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

'We will need a hi-chair, a car seat, a crib, a play pen and a dressing table.'

'He may look healthy on the outside, but he's clearly suffering from Attention deficit disorder.'

Are we there yet?

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

Pipe Dream.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

TAP TAP TAP TAP

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"Three more years of high school."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

Grounded

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"Where do you expect to be ten years from now?"

Saving for College.