New Parent Comic Enthusiast Gifts

He'd make a good father someday. Not today, but someday.

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

Billy. The Kid.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

'Being a superhero doesn't mean that everything about me is super you know!'

"No flight of the Bumblebee"

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"The doctor will be with you two in a second. As for you, I'd recommend a motivational speaker."

Spiro & Pusho and the Scavenger.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"It's good you're avoiding radioactive pieces of your destroyed home planet that deprive you of your superpowers... but you should also watch the sodium."

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.