New Optometry Visit Gifts

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"When I suggested you should walk a couple of miles a day I didn't mean to just see me!"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Hospital Departments

"So what brings you in today?"

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'No thanks. I'm just squinting...'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'I can't wait for a generic version of eyes of newts to come out.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

Taking blood pressure

'Very interesting... your blood pressure is 17 over 76.'

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

"I'm a shadow of my former self."

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."