New Optometry Visit T-Shirts

Fill that out, and the optometrist will be right with you. Name. Address. Date of Birth. Occupation. Insurance.

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

Hospital Departments

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"When I suggested you should walk a couple of miles a day I didn't mean to just see me!"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"So what brings you in today?"

'No thanks. I'm just squinting...'

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

'I can't wait for a generic version of eyes of newts to come out.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

"I'm a shadow of my former self."

That rattling sound in your chest doesn't concern me as much as that rattling sound in your head.

'Very interesting... your blood pressure is 17 over 76.'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

Taking blood pressure

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

'No. I said, 'Inhale deeply, and hold your breath.''