New Location Gifts

The fate of the emigrant

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'Great news, Dear! I've been traded to a think tank in California for a PhD Specializing in the Baltics!'

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

'The only problem downtown offices have using solar power is finding a long enough extension cord.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'With my parents out of the house, I can finally start my long awaited mural project.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

Between Offices

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

You are here.

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

'WOW! This ladies' nav app is fantastic!'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

While You Were Out: We Moved!

Offices moved to 23rd floor - taking the company to new heights - the management.

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

Oh boy, lucky you were there: I was cramping up. I need a few minutes rest if you don't mind...

"Hi Sean, welcome to my open space. Take a stand and let's talk."

"Cubicle 311 is our 'cultural oasis'."

'It may not be our usual business lunch, but it will sure impress the hell out of the budget committee.'

"This city is becoming unlivable."

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

'You shouldn't have.'

'We like to spend 51 weeks of the year at our Florida holiday home...'

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'