New Life Ponderer Gifts

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Good game."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"But what if this is all there is?"

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

The meaning of life is to avoid falling rocks

"Death coach..."

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

I was starting a new chapter in my life and I tripped over a footnote.

"Are you sure I 'can't take it with me'? I brought some for you."

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

Dante's Undiscovered Prequels

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

"You think it's tough down there?"

Baxter finally gets a life

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

Angel sees FIRE EXIT sign on trap door in cloud.