New Job At A Bar Pillows

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

Shaken not stirred

Margarita

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

You said you wanted beer with hops !

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'The King of what?'

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

"Do you take dark money?"

Body by Jake

"Blowing the whistle is perfect for a sports bar to let its patrons know that Happy Hour is over."

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"You call this ice?"

Anton's Bar and Grill

"I'm surprised at you, Ted. You know we're not allowed to serve alcoholic beverages to dogs."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

'There was sizzle but no steak.'

Raw Piano Bar

"House red, sir?"

The Fault of the Fowl

"Right, I'd better go...corpses on't pick themselves clean y'know!"

"I belong to that heroic little band of unemployed on whom a healthy economy depends."

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'No tipping please.'

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"