New Family Member Gifts

'Well he didn't get it from my side of the family'.

'It's true dear - you were adopted.'

"That's right, Scotty. You came from your Mommy's Belly."

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"Obviously, I'm adopted..."

'Next!'

Time for bed

'I'm your new daughter. Marcia and I have traded parents.'

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'Please tell me there's more to this than this.'

'It's one of life's little miracles!'

"This is our adoptive son. We found him in the cellar where he was raised by spiders."

'Ready? Everybody freeze...'

Home Pregnancy Test

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Pick me!"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Child driving a toy car

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

Children's Dreams on Christmas Eve

"Send ME to bed early, will they?"

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

'What's that humming sound?'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

Family working together

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

"Having a cat will prepare us for having a teenager one day."

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

Maternity ward: 'Oh boy - stereo!'

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"