New Addition To Family Gifts

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"Pick me!"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

Raised by Dogs

Child driving a toy car

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Children's Dreams on Christmas Eve

"Send ME to bed early, will they?"

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'It's going to be a vegan.'

'What's that humming sound?'

Family working together

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"Having a cat will prepare us for having a teenager one day."

Maternity ward: 'Oh boy - stereo!'

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

Family sitting on sofa.

Windmill

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

Same sex families - it's about love, not sex, after all...

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

Untidy bedroom

'It's one of life's little miracles!'

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".