Networking Cynic Pillows

"I didn't know the 'old boys' network had a website."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

'You can social network me behind my ears if you like.'

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

Internet Name Tags.

Unsocial Networking.

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

Social media and privacy

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

"Gentlemen, let's do lunch."

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

"It's time I cleaned out the 'yes' men in my organization- right boys?"

"I've given him your message. If you'll just take a seat, he'll be out in a moment with his hands up."

Man at a desk in Performance Review Dept. has a cannon in the 'OUT' box pointing out the window lights cannon.

And remember, you're supposed to be promoting me!

Men Networking

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

"Insider trading is so last century, I prefer exclusive networking opportunities."

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

Don't worry, Bob. There are some jobs a robot just can't do...like kissing ass.

'Dad, is it true what they say about lemmings following each other off a cliff?' 'If they work at a company like mine, it is.'

"You're just toying with me, aren't you?"

'I don't revere this guy because he founded the company. He's the one who tried to talk me out of getting into this business in the first place.'

"I just can't work out where the f*****g Swear Jar money went."

Golf course deals - 'Rule of thumb: Anyone who has spent five hundred dollars for a putter, and two hundred for a lime green golf shirt, that's someone you want to get to know.'