Networking Cynic T-Shirts

"I didn't know the 'old boys' network had a website."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

'You can social network me behind my ears if you like.'

The anti-social network: 'Hey Jeffrey...I need help setting up my dad's anti-social network.'

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

Social media and privacy

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

Internet Name Tags.

Unsocial Networking.

"Gentlemen, let's do lunch."

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

Men Networking

And remember, you're supposed to be promoting me!

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

"Insider trading is so last century, I prefer exclusive networking opportunities."

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

Man at a desk in Performance Review Dept. has a cannon in the 'OUT' box pointing out the window lights cannon.

iPhone: Leading Our Grand March Into Mass Mediocrity

"I've given him your message. If you'll just take a seat, he'll be out in a moment with his hands up."

"It's time I cleaned out the 'yes' men in my organization- right boys?"

Don't worry, Bob. There are some jobs a robot just can't do...like kissing ass.

'Dad, is it true what they say about lemmings following each other off a cliff?' 'If they work at a company like mine, it is.'

"You're just toying with me, aren't you?"

Golf course deals - 'Rule of thumb: Anyone who has spent five hundred dollars for a putter, and two hundred for a lime green golf shirt, that's someone you want to get to know.'

Small Talk Lounge