Network Executive Gifts

Oh, Liam. I thought you were dead. I thought I would never see you again! Is that why you married … my brother? … Oh, Caroline … it's doesn't matter. When the mafia held me captive in a seaside cave all these years, the only thing that kept me alive was the thought of you. Caroline ... who is that mysterious stranger lurking outside your bedroom window? Is it yet another lover? No, it's me. Frank. The executive producer. You can cut all this out, we've been canceled. The market can't support mor

'So which camp are you in, Conan or Leno?'

"We advised viewer discretion and they all decided not to watch."

'It's not a statement. It's a new show.'

'The only spot we could get was opposite American Idol and it died a quick death.'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'Now that I have your attention...'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

Occu-Pie Mars

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

Hollywood Sign Developers

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."