Nervous Driver Gifts

"Err...When I said straight over at the round-about..."

'There's that funny squealing again - I think it's coming from your side.'

'Will you stop believing all those rumor about driver's tests?! I'm sure the examiner is perfectly nice and pleasant.'

Stop at the next chemist please, I've run out of tranquilizers.

"Dad, how can you teach me how to drive...if you can't even remember that the brakes are on this side?"

'Maybe we'll get that bonus we've never claimed before.'

'Actually I don't care either way. I bet £100 that you would fail me...'

'In a moment I'm going to ask you to do a hand-brake turn.'

"If you hear me scream 'Dear God, we're going to crash...' then start to break!"

Cats on Board.

Car wash / Mouth wash

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

'In the few remaining minutes of the lesson I can't do better than to show you how to fill an accident form.'

"The next time you have an 'emergency', have it on the roof like every other self-respecting bird!"

Speed limit 70mph and up.

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

'Half-crazed with nerves Petey Otterloop awaits the start of the winter concert.'

'Relax, folks, he just did that for me. When I get the hiccups, a little scare never fails to cure them.'

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

'Unfortunately, medical science hasn't come up with a cure for 'stock market jitters.'

"I just remembered... I forgot to turn off the sink."

'Would you mind holding my hand Jim? The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of flying.'

Product Recall (aeroplane)

"Hurry it up, Solomon Brothers are waiting for my decision"

"Miss, I'm familiar with the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign, but what's with the 'Check Engine' light?"

'You could work at any fortune 500 company... Why have you applied at our little shop?'

'No matter how often I do the show, I still suffer from stage fright...'

Traffic Sign Haiku

Mysteries of Life

Funky Auto Repair: 'Bad driver special: But first repair job, get 2nd repair job, half price'

Frog rearview mirror ornaments.

Height barrier accident.

"Our next act...Cruzini, the world's greatest magician!"

The Off-Roading Commuter

Excess Baggage: The conception of electronic ticketing still has a few airline passengers spooked.