Neighborly Negotiator Gifts

"Go wipe you feed on the neighbor's doormat."

Picking overhanging fruit.

'Normally, a little conflict like this would be easy to resolve.'

'This is my primary place of doing business, although I do sometimes do it on my neighbor's lawn.'

'Apparently, Phillips, you want a lawsuit on your hands!'

'Yes of course he can borrow my lawn mower just as long as he only uses it in my garden...'

"Yes, of course you can borrow Gerald's lawnmower, but only if you take him too."

"I forgot to tell you this morning, I'm pulling that fence down and building a wall."

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"Don't let him get to you. I'm sure there are lots of people you didn't invite."

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

Cat and Broom

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

'I think you got the drummer - Now try for the trumpet player!'

Church sign.

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

"Tonight the covers stay on my side."

Agreeing to Disagree Mediators...Open.

'Ready for your first lesson in negotiations?'

Insurance Company representative with rabbi to lawyer and client: 'I brought hiim along to assure you we would negotiate in good faith.'

'Keep yapping: The neighbour is red in the face and ready to explode...'

Blower wars.

David meets Goliath's lawyer.

"Today on ask Sadie, I'll be address oe single question...why do so many people who have no business raising kids, have kids..."

"My doctor advised me to give up the drums....he lives in the flat below me."

"Rex, stop your barking, we're getting dirty looks from the neighbours! Yep, you've woken up the baby!"

"Really, Dear. Wouldn't it be better just to return the tools you borrowed from him?"

Passive smoking...

A give-and-take relationship with your neighbour is essential to the full enjoyment of your garden.

If his animals should stray - let him know by all means...but don't be vindictive.

"Here's the plan. I use white noise to cover your snoring and you use earplugs to cover the white noise."

"Hey! Turn down your damn white-noise machine!"

'This is your list for Santa?? A corvette? A 50' TV?. . . If you don't become an ambulance chasing lawyer. . . you've missed your calling.'

'I'll compromise. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I'm right.'