Neighborhood Punter Pillows

'I was close to winning the pools this Saturday. The bloke next door won.'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Yesterday you lost your sheep and suddenly, today, Mary next door has a little lamb... Pretty big coincidence is all I'm sayin'.

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

"Seats in all parts!"

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Saloon Selectives

"Must dash - I'm appearing in a 'restaurant soup' cartoon this afternoon..."

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

'Yeah, neighborhood crime. That's what I watch all the time 'cause our TV is broken.'

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

Suspicious Person Ban.

'It's the fellow in 9B.'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

'Look, I don't know what repulsive smelly thing I just ate, but I know what I like.'

"Do you think there might be a bitcoin in it?"

Neighbourhood watch with mother

'There goes the neighborhood.'

Clancy:Survey Question

"Don't rush me! I finally found someone who knows about our new neighbors!"

Gambler And Umpire

Collection Discounts

"Ladies and gentlemen, there is an uptown train a hundred and two stations away."

'Twenty quid will be great, I'll give you it back on Thursday when I get my Giro.'

Sign above fire extinguisher case says, 'In Case of Fire and Brimstone Break Glass'.

Donkey Fights

'I'm checking out our new neighbors! They look like the nosey type to me!'

'Are you still having trouble with that nosey neighbour?'

The God's football

Crime watch zone sign thief.