Negotiating Severance Pillows

The Trouble with NDAs

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

The Evolution of the Bonus

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Changing Minds

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'He wants to close the deal with a handshake. What do you think about that?'

"May I remind you that we can always go with duck eggs."

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"Is this about your raise?"

'There. See? Your buddy is OK. Now show us our guy before we make the swap.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'Behind every great business deal is a company lawyer advising against it.'

"I gotta admit, he's one hell of a negotiator."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

"Damn it, name a figure, name a figure."

Round 2 (office meeting being conducted like a boxing match).

'There's enough of us...we can take them!'

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

"Just to get the negotiations off on the right foot, I don't intent to concede anything."

We all know the negotiation table, but how about the negotiation chair?

'My final offer.'

'If I promise to be good for the next 30 years, can I have some sweets Dad?'

"Remember this? One sweetheart of a deal!"