Negative But Realistic Gifts

When pessimists live the dream.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"Reduced budgets are a challenge...Rather than just talk you through it we'd like to give you a practical demonstration of how to 'maximise' resources from limited resources."

"I call it the The Power of Positive Pessimism. Knowing full well that most of the things I try almost always end in disaster, yet somehow finding enjoyment in every step of the process. It works for me!"

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

Inbox and Outbox

"The bad news is that we've had to cut most of the services. . . The good news is that we can now tell people in 23 languages what we don't do anymore!"

Thomas Carlyle

'Life's too short to hold grudges.' 'No it's not! You just need to organize your time better.'

"It breaks my heart to see you stressed out here at work, so you're fired."

'Don't get your hopes up...the future isn't what it used to be!'

The Dungeon

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

'I tried for a new lease on life, but I got a lousy credit report.'

'Of course you realize; Grizwell's now honor bound to give us the raise we've asked for.'

The guy who wanted change, experience, a shoulder to cry on, and a medal, all tied up in a nice,neat package, with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

Ceiling collapse 'Don't worry, that's just settlement.'

"This new job of mine is like paradise."

The end is near! Wacko. The end is far!

'Hardly worth blowing down.'

'Hi. The Bluebird of Happiness retired. I'm the Bluebird of Things Could Be Worse.'

Half Full/Half Empty

Love to Joyce Mott from Lance and Gary,

"I can only run for 30 mins, it's the longest I can bare to be away from my phone."

'Wait! -- What if I get WARTS?'

"Look at Bradley! That vile, loathsome creep! He tries to appear good-natured, but he can't hide the carrion-stench of his nasty black thoughts and evil emotions bubbling up from the dark recesses of his snakepit mind."

"These cuts just can't be made without a lot of pain..."

Man with can sitting below sign that says, 'Gave only 109%'.

Bomb shelters: pessimists...optimists.

'I stared with nowt and I've still got it!'

Free Country

"Existential dread is the new positive outlook."

'We peck at gravel, we peck at sticks, we peck at the ground...life is full of disappointments.'

'She sees the glass as half empty, and what's left is her least favorite beverage anyway.'