Navigating The Terrible Twos Gifts

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Very Difficult Conversations

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

"She does this when she's tired."

'He's doing it again.'

No caption. (An astronomer looks through a high-powered telescope while a baby in a crib looks through a hand-held scope).

No, it's not the beer talking. Beer actually makes a better impression than I do. ! !

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you?'

Quiz: Why is your two-year old so quiet

"They're both in telemarketing."

'Tsk - he will keep throwing things out of the buggy.'

"A double room with twin minibars, please!"

They were young and in love, and Harold would spend whole weekends counting the freckles on Arlene's back, Of course they were also incredibly stupid,,, Arlene only had seven freckles,

Our Summer Fantasy

"Mommy is taking the nap that you refused to take."

'I wish you wouldn't put these little mints on my pillow when we stay at hotels. They melt into my hair.'

'Call the shrink. Herold's experiencing his first case of rug rage!'

'Just so i'll know you can't resuscitate a grape-nut, right?'

"Of course I want your opinion... that's why I told you what it was."

"Well, your mother did warn us about the terrible twos."

"Now, about your room." "Aw, mom." "Don't 'aw mom' me. A clean and orderly room promotes discipline." "But ..." "But nothing. Believe me, you'll thank me later. And another thing ..."

Dog, cat, mouse.

"How can I tell him I'm not happy?"

Fakir uses a porcupine as a pillow.

"We've all got different ways of showing affection."

"Technically, we have an open marriage, but so far there's just Michael and me."

The Truth Fairy

REcalculating...

'This divorce is so bitter I hope he wants it so bad he can taste it.'