Navigating Health Challenges Gifts

"And while it is terminal...the good news is that it's covered by medicare!"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"That's a big fat lie!"

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

Attack of the 'health' foods

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

Scales

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

'Nevermore.'

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

PEP TALKS!

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

Woman and scales.

Death in the red zone

"Is it working?"

I only weigh 95 kilograms...That's 210...in pounds!

Exercising in Confinement

"Well, put it this way - A semi-colon is better than a full stop."

'Popcorn, carrot cake, and potato chips do not count as three servings of vegetables.'

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

When I said to take a little regular exercise I didn't mean coming to see me every day.

"What say we make this one of those 'some days you get the bear' days?"

"Triple espresso." "Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine." "I am not your Uncle Mort. I am someone else altogether." "Oh yeah? Who are you?" "I am... Drinkum... Coffeeman... Worthington-Smythe... of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes." "You may have heard of us... We're a family of... um... troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix." "So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that?" "Google