Navigating Health Challenges Gifts

"And while it is terminal...the good news is that it's covered by medicare!"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"That's a big fat lie!"

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Sometimes it helps to turn a question around. Why not you?"

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

Attack of the 'health' foods

"I’d like to return my Fitbit—It won’t stop calling me a lazy piece of sh*t."

Scales

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

"You're just a shell of your former self. You need to improve your diet."

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

'Nevermore.'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

"Is it working?"

PEP TALKS!

I only weigh 95 kilograms...That's 210...in pounds!

Death in the red zone

'What we have here is a hostage situation - There's a thin person inside you screaming to get out.'

Exercising in Confinement

'I want you to slow down, and that includes fast food.'

Woman and scales.

"Well, put it this way - A semi-colon is better than a full stop."

'Popcorn, carrot cake, and potato chips do not count as three servings of vegetables.'

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

"Triple espresso." "Forget it, Uncle Mort. Your doctors said no caffeine." "I am not your Uncle Mort. I am someone else altogether." "Oh yeah? Who are you?" "I am... Drinkum... Coffeeman... Worthington-Smythe... of the Florida Coffeeman-Worthington-Smythes." "You may have heard of us... We're a family of... um... troubadours. I, myself, wrote several ballads for the likes of Sinatra, Pat Boone, and Jimi Hendrix." "So if I were to Google that right now, Google would confirm that?" "Google

When I said to take a little regular exercise I didn't mean coming to see me every day.