Nautical Jesters Gifts

'We must be nearing land. It's a discount coupon from the island's mall.'

Castaway can't remembers how to write S.O.S.

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

Richard the Turd

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

'I take it his performance review went well.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'It must be a milkfish.'

'This is your idea of converting your boat to a sailboat, a sheet? And while we're on the topic, is that one of my good sheets?'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'Fancy a banana split?'

"Not the God I expected."

Coast to coast walk.

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

'Yes, they do contain e-numbers - But they're e-numbers that make you feel amorous!'

"Every Christmas you make a lot of primises you never keep, why don't you become a politian."

"Run for your lives! The sea level is rising at the rate of about 1 foot per century!"

Police officer to conman: 'You're only allowed to keep striped bass.'

'Do you always dress like this on the first date?'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"They're fake, when I get to school I'm telling everyone that I have evolved."

Man flashing at a periscope in the middle of the ocean

"I'm sorry...did I forget to mention? I must be honest with you. I have a condition. My doctor says I may need a full time nurse. But otherwise, I'm in perfect health!""

Genial youth talking to his sister's fiancée

'What with Obama and all his giveaways, I'm surprised you're still in business.'