Nature Prediction Pundit Pillows

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

"I think we have run out of time..."

How Glaciations Begin

'Dear, you can't blame this on global warming...you overcooked the fish.'

"I've always wondered, do light years have half the calories of regular years?"

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Seven

Davos.

"Fact amnesty"

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"It really was a no-brainer, selling drilling rights at the North Pole."

Conservatives' Golden Economic Legacy

'You realize, of course, Death is the ultimate tax shelter?'

Al, you know how a lot of people in Britain regretted their decision to leave the European Union? I was just wondering if you ever regretted your decision to leave the human race.

Foxconn: Outsourcer Outsources Outsourced...What?

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

"Apparently there's been a slowdown in China."

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

'What! Nobody thought to bring a paddle?'

'Well, the weather was terrible, but the buffet was AMAZING!! They had EVERYTHING!!'

"I told you we came back too early...I'm freezing my tail feathers off!"

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"It's 40 degrees in Europe. Maybe we should take that Paris trip we always talk about, and get away from this oppressive heat."

'Illegal immigrants, if you ask me.'

'I need a loan that would make me too big to fail.'

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

"It was around here we felt the force of el nino."

Major Wall Street players.

Cards Galore.