Nature Commentator Pillows

'I know were migratory birds, but do we really have to do this every spring and fall?'

'Tip of the Iceburg': 'Stay away from the Gulf Stream.'

'Illegal immigrants, if you ask me.'

Nice work if you can get it.

"What birds? I don't see any birds."

"My favourite? The bluebuck! Now, that was a tasty treat! It's extinct now unfortunately: darn humans..."

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

The Food Chain

Live Stream

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"I think we have run out of time..."

Winter Weather.

"Peach fuzz. How does a nectarine know when it reaches puberty?"

'Dear, you can't blame this on global warming...you overcooked the fish.'

'Cartoonist thinking'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

Penguin

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

How Glaciations Begin

Just a little seasoning...

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

"Go ahead, tell him... Your friend is correct. Nuts are fruit. Why won't you ever believe me?"

Man lets his pigeons out to be fed in the park.

"I'm a monster."

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

"I see you have extensive wood chuckery experience."

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.